Blog Hop Submission

This is a sample of my writing that is awaiting critiques from other writers. Please feel free to join in with commenting below. Thanks!

(Query was updated on Feb. 14th after some wonderful suggestions.)

Title: The Mirage Shifter

Genre: Middle Grade Fantasy

Word Count: 55,000

Dear Agent Person,

Twelve-year old Aiden Flanagan wishes he was normal, but his brain has always been a little off kilter. It enables him to catch people when they’re lying, which is pretty neat, but it also affects his vision, enabling him to see an invisible world just inches from reality. But when his best friend Jake goes into a coma and Aiden sees him walking the streets of New York in a hospital gown, Aiden fears his friend is close to death, if not already dead.

Following Jake through Battery Park, Aiden jumps after him into the East River and they pass through the Mirage, the thin veil that hides people’s dreams from reality. Aiden learns Jake is only dreaming and still in his coma, but Aiden’s old childhood imaginary friend is real and doesn’t want Jake to wake up. Navigating between the dream world and reality, Aiden races to wake Jake before they’re both stuck in his dream forever.

I am an active member of SCBWI. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

G. K. Kaup

CHAPTER 1

The high pitched humming of the approaching subway hits my ears at the same moment I see the boy walking on the tracks.

“Stop the train!” I yell, pointing at the boy.

People on the busy platform turn to me and then to the tracks. No one gasps or screams or yells for someone to save the little barefoot kid. Barefoot? In the middle of February? I step onto the yellow line and bend over the tracks, trying to get a closer look at his face. Tan skin, dark hair, and eyes as blue as a Bunsen burner flame. I know those eyes. He holds my gaze and smiles before he disappears.

“Are you crazy, Aiden?” Jake shouts, yanking me back just before the subway passes in front of us.

Breaks screech to a halt and then the subway doors slide open. People glare at me and shake their heads as they press to get inside.

“Stupid kid,” mumbles an old man.

Jake pushes me in front of him and gets us to the seats at the back of the car.

“So?” he asks. “What was that all about?”

I swallow and realize this is the first time I've thought about lying to my best friend. I can’t tell him I just saw an invisible friend, because if I do, he’ll really think I’ve lost it.

I try to laugh, but it comes out as a cough. “I don’t know, you know? It looked like there was something on the tracks.”

Starting my 3rd Book Right

I almost finished my first book. Technically, I have an ending. Well, multiple endings, but I didn’t go back and edit. My second book I actually completed and did multiple edits. I even sent it to some agents, but no one has taken it. I never felt quite right about the query and first ten pages, which is all they ever look at. Or maybe they just stopped after the first sentence.

I used the discovery method for each of these books—it’s the method where you write and see where your story takes you. That led to hours and hours of rewrites. So, on my third book, I decided to get organized.

I did myself a little Google search and found AdvancedWriting Fiction. I was wary at first, thinking it looked like one of those long sites that reels you in at the end with a sales gimmick.

It was definitely one of those sites.

But I didn’t need the software and Randy Ingermanson was kind enough to list the ten steps I needed to start my book right.

Currently, I’m almost thorough with eight of the ten steps. (The last two are chapter summaries and actually writing the book). But I love that I know my characters and my story now. My previous problems centered around trying to fit my main character into a world where I was as clueless as them about what was going to happen. So my finished products were choppy and inconsistent and I had too many themes to keep track of.

I have yet to decide if this method with be my standby in the future, but I’ve enjoyed the process so far. Writing will start in the next few weeks and if I can just get over the hump of where to actually begin my novel, I hope it will be easy sailing. We’ll just have to see.